Trying to fill that “not enough” void through achievements and external validation is not only exhausting, but also futile.
I’m not a singer and definitely not Lady Gaga, but I couldn’t help myself but sing this song for you.
I love the movie “A Star Is Born” and couldn’t get enough of the soundtrack after I watched the movie in late 2018. I especially resonated with the song “Shallow”. It has recently occurred to me why...
Because it was my complex story. Because the story encapsulated in the song’s lyrics was triggering my complex.
A complex of never feeling satisfied and always searching for more… Even in the good times, there used to be some feeling of unease, of missing something or a fear of missing something… I could never fully relax and enjoy my blessings, achievements. accomplishments. There always was a sensation of grasping for more, a feeling that what was, was not quite enough and I could have more…
It was a very tiring and disempowering way of living. Always on the alert, ready to catch that missing element. To fill that void.
But the truth is, there’s always more. And I finally got it. Not only on an intellectual level, that I already understood back then in 2018, but in a fully embodied way. Because I eventually let myself be fully present and satisfied in the present moment where life is happening. The truth is, if I don’t feel I am enough and have enough in the present moment, I won’t find it in the future. Because there’s always more. And we’ve been conditioned to chase it, to search for it, to never feel satisfied. Why? Because it’s easier to have control over someone who sources their fulfillment in the outer world. However, once we find our inner resources and true connection with Life itself, we become liberated from that search and free from external influence. It’s very dangerous for those who want to keep us small and contained.
You see, the truth is, there’s always more.
We can chase it from a place of lack and always feel like we are missing something and additionally be at risk of being manipulated. Or we can find satisfaction in the present moment, relax and allow the only natural way of expansion and evolution to take place. From a place of wholeness and feeling complete. It’s a very freeing and empowering way of living that requires trust and surrender.
Only when we really release our controlling grasp, we can be given beyond our wildest dreams. This is true surrender. It comes from deep trust and requires vulnerability. But once we let ourselves experience that level of outrageous openness, we become free and from that space of trust and non attachment, life supports us and provides abundantly. This is what I came to experience to be true.
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