R U OK?
R U okay? Please know it’s okay to not be okay. We’re humans and being humans means that we hurt at times...
However, it’s hard to not be okay and be on your own. The isolation and perception of separateness tends to make us feel worse.
There’s a lot of cultural and personal stories and conditioning that stop us from asking for help. To reach out and be heard.
But it’s important to do so. To talk about, to share about how we feel.
I know it may be hard to ask for help. To be honest, it is hard for me. Not always, but when I’m being consumed by my worst shadows, when the darkest demons come to haunt me, when I’m the most vulnerable.... then it’s really hard...
Why then? When I need help the most?
Because I don’t want to be judged or defined by my dark(est) “not ok” moment. I don’t want to be perceived as weak, incapable or even a fraud (as you know, I am an awakened woman who shares about empowerment, so how can she not be ok or able to deal with it by herself... another dangerous story/program to be aware of;). Also, I don’t want someone to worry or give me solutions. Keep reading to find out why.
However, there’s a lot of healing happening when we “share” our pain. When we share it, the burden gets lighter. Literally. It's shared:)
There’s also a great strength that comes from being fully witnessed. The presence of a kind and non-judgmental person who listens rather than offers solutions serves as a powerful mirror. As we speak, we start to make sense of what is happening and often in the process we discover solutions that will help us ease the pain and change our situation for better. All answers are within. We know it all. But when we are by ourselves with the pain, it’s hard to have perspective, see it all, hear the all-knowing-wise side of us. However, even if we don't get to hear that voice right away, sharing about our pain, having another see it, will make it less potent.
Sometimes, we don't share, because we do not want to be a burden... times are tough already and everyone is busy. We do not want to inconvenience others... But we must. Despite feeling uncomfortable. People really care about others, but lost in the daily grind may not remember to ask "RU OK?". But they will certainly feel honoured and grateful for being trusted with choosing them to show your vulnerability to. It means that we trust them. And that's a powerful message. Next time they feel not ok, they will know, not only that it is okay to ask for help, but also who to trust to be vulnerable with.
Sharing our story shows others, mirrors, that it is okay to not to be okay. It enables understanding and compassion for our human nature.
What is also important for me, is to know that the person I share with will not worry about me. It may sound counterintuitive, so let me explain. I am a recovering "worrier". Worrying runs in my family, so I got that in my DNA and also learnt through osmosis while growing up. It has taken me years of dedicated work to keep weaning myself from that program. Worrying, simply put, is a waste of energy. Worrying is about imagining the worst case scenarios and being consumed by their dark and scary energy now. But you see, our thoughts create our reality, and we create our future by feeling it's energy in the present moment... So worrying is a manifestation of an outcome we don't want. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. And it's a double, or even triple whammy. When we worry, we not only waste our precious time that we could use for creative work (or even just relaxation), we also deplete our nervous system (as our body doesn't know that we are not threatened, that it's only our mind having creative time, and engages our stress response), as well as, feeling stressed / vibrating low, we attract that low vibration, which often will result in our worries becoming manifest. Hence, when I'm not okay and need someone to witness my pain, I am careful who I share it with. I want to make sure that after we talk, they will not worry. I want someone who will instead send prayers or at least positive thoughts of trust in my capacity to overcome the difficult situation I may find myself in. I want expansion, not contraction.
It’s also important to remember that the “not okay” moments don’t define us. In fact we are neither our ups nor downs. We are the divine embodied. We are love. And ironically, the times when we are not ok often help us to see it. But it’s always easier when we have a mirror. Therefore, share your story, ask for help. It’s okay to not be okay. You are love anyway and when you lighten the load, you will feel more whole and capable💛
Read my poem Holding Space.
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